New Girl is back, which obviously my girl Jessica Day is alive and well and once again ready to supply me with copious amounts of amazingly hilarious gifs.
Anyways, Jess is back, and she's joined a singles group in hopes of getting over that old turkey burger Nick. The group's tagline?
"I'm single, and I'm sufficient."
Though the whole episode kind of mockingly jokes about Jess's group and the fact that the group is really just a way to pass time until they all find relationships, I genuinely love the group's mantra. I think it's powerful. I think it sums up exactly how singles should feel about themselves. We are single, and we are sufficient. And do you know why?
because Being single is not shameful.
In fact, I think being single, at some point or another, is absolutely necessary to our journey of self-discovery. How can you ever really give yourself over to someone else, to love, if you never know yourself? We need to be happy alone before we can be happy with someone else. I wish more of my friends would understand that. Instead, I get the pity pep talks--motivational moments I do not need because I already have unrealistically high expectations for my Mr. Darcy.
That's why I'm still single.
Here's the concept my friends don't seem to be able to grasp: I have very high self-esteem. And that's why I'm confident enough and comfortable enough with myself to stay single, to not settle for the first guy who displays interest. I'm picky about who I spend my time with because I value my time. I'm not going to waste one of the precious 960 minutes I have in a day (of course, excluding the 480 minutes I spend on a good eight-hour sleep).
I don't want to feel moderately excited about whoever it is I'm dating.
Aren't first dates and the beginnings of a relationship about butterflies and first kisses? Even four, six, ten months into a relationship, I still want to feel excited about this person.
Of course, we all have that one friend who bounces from relationship to relationship, the friend we can't imagine ever being single. And then suddenly they are. And it's almost painful to watch them adapt to the single life, because they're no longer comfortable by themselves. Their self-esteem is wrapped up in someone else's opinions.
That discomfort, that self-doubt, leads them to immediately start looking for the next Mr. (or Mrs.) Darcy, instead of taking the time to be on their own. I genuinely believe that Elizabeth Bennet's firmness of character is what intrigued Darcy in the first place. There is nothing more attractive than someone who knows exactly who they are. Confidence--true self-confidence, fuck-what-everyone-else-thinks confidence--cannot be faked. If you feel like you really don't know how to be single, here's what you should work on:
date yourself for a change.
I'm not saying you need to spend your single Saturday nights sitting in solidarity, binge-watching Vampire Diaries. (Update: I'm currently taking a break because I blew through season one in a single weekend. I repeat 22 40-minutes episodes in 48 hours. I deserve an award.) That's just something some of us singles like to do. I personally love watching rom coms and emotionally cutting myself. But being single doesn't mean be antisocial.
It means you should enjoy your alone-time. Pamper yourself. Read a book. Go for a walk. Take a mirror selfie and post it on Instagram with confidence. Love yourself, because nothing else matters. If you can't love yourself, why should anyone else? (That's blunt, but effective, right?)
And who knows how long your singleness will last for? What if your next relationship is with the guy/girl you marry? You may never be single again--a terrifying notion. Being single is not an easy thing--though neither is being in a relationship (from what I hear).