For as long as I can remember, I’ve been attracted to older men, usually at a minimum of two years older (which in the grand scheme of things is not a big age difference). There’s always that age-old stereotype that girls mature faster than boys, and I think to an extent, that’s true.
This would explain why let’s say senior males in high school usually end up dating younger girls, because the girls that are their own age are looking for older guys. And the freshman or sophomore level girls are looking to date boys that are a few years older, hence the senior men dating underclassmen. I’ve witnessed this cycle take place for years, and I am unwavering in my knowledge that this is how most dating works.
It didn’t change much when I got to college, either. But for some reason, there seems to exist a sort of socially acceptable divide for just how old of a guy you’re “allowed” to date. Legality always plays a part in this, but I’m talking more of a 19 year old dating a 25 year old. When I was 19 (so a little over two weeks ago), people told me I should draw the line at dating a 24-year-old guy, because six years is too big of an age gap. I think the difference between dating a 24 year old over a 25 year old can’t be that drastically different because they’re at similar places in their lives–both probably working full-time somewhere, out of college, not living at home.
A friend of mine went to church with a 19 year old girl who was engaged to a 29 year old man. A ten age difference at that age is a lot more significant than say a 29 year old dating a 39 year old.
I'll admit to having spent this entire semester infatuated with my 30 year old yoga instructor, but that age difference (10 years) is something I just can't overcome--no matter how cute he is.
But when you’re 19 or even 20, you’re still very much not your own person. For one (in the States at least), the drinking age is 21, so there are things that you just can’t do with a 24 or 25 year-old boyfriend that you could if you were a few years older. Most 19 or 20 year olds are still dependent on their parents in some way, large or small. I, for example, am still in college, and my parents help me out with groceries and rent, as well as tuition. Even though I’m legally an “adult,” I’m not financially independent.
Is that another reason why women tend to be drawn to older men? Their heightened maturity in fact include financial and emotional independence, which is certainly appealing. I think that’s a big reason why age differences were never a problem back in the day.
Mr. Darcy was roughly eight years older than Elizabeth, and I think that made all the difference. A man of 20 wouldn’t yet have had adequate social standing, etc. for an eligible marriage alliance. (Though in Darcy’s case, it was helpful that he inherited a large estate.) I think that dating someone older rarely has a downside, although I can think of one recent, more negative example.
I was in Chicago earlier this week meeting with the Spanish consulate for my visa and on the train ride home I sat behind the oddest people. At first, I thought the man was this girl’s father. She was probably mid to late 20′s, while he was probably early 50′s. But it was more than his gray hair and crow’s feet that struck me as an odd pairing with such a young-looking woman.
As I said, I thought he was his father, in more than just looks. His mannerisms were very controlling. Everything he said, she agreed with. His tone was condescending, and to be honest, a little creepy. He looked like the sort of guy who would emotionally abuse a woman with low self-esteem (which was something this girl looked like she already had little of). The young woman didn’t strike me as particularly strong-minded. She seemed meek, sort of accepting of her inferiority in the relationship.
This is all very speculative, and I was actually caught eavesdropping more than once–which was awkward to say the least. But this is just one case of a seemingly uneven relationship between two people of very different ages.
All in all, I think dating someone older is all blue skies and sunshine. I’ve never actually dated a guy my own age, so I guess I can’t totally speak to both sides of the argument, but I can say that even the the guys that are one or two years older than me are setting the bar so low.
So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get the way guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair--ew--and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.
I'm not trying to be agist, or judgy. I think that as long as you find someone that makes you happy and is a person you can have a healthy, honest relationship with, it's okay to date someone older or younger. After you reach a certain point in life, age really is just a number. And let's be honest (and I'm speaking from experience here),